Roses Are The Only Apology I Have
by PaintedinAllColors
Summary: "I'm sorry. I ruined what we had, and what we could have had."


Me: Okay, well this is a songfic. I was listening to **Lucy** by Skillet, and this just hit me out of nowhere. Literally. So enjoy my newest creation, and review.

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><p>She laid the roses on the ground next to the intricately carved gravestone. <em><strong>Damon Salvatore<strong>_, it read. A poem followed, and she could remember that day twelve years ago when she had written it; eyes leaking tears on the paper and hands shaking with the effort it took to not burst out crying.

_**Even the eternal flame goes out, they say.**_

_**But this one never did.**_

_**Because I remember you**_

_**Every day.**_

_**I feel you next to me in the morning,**_

_**I can hear your playful laughter ring out from the woods you loved so much**_

_**At twilight, I remember all the times we'd talk**_

_**Under the dimming sun.**_

_**I remember every single day,**_

_**Every minute,**_

_**Every second,**_

_**Of the time we had together.**_

_**Us walking hand in hand,**_

_**Smiling at nothing and everything all at once.**_

_**Your spirit burns bright, and**_

_**I know that you wouldn't have viewed this as a tragedy,**_

_**More as a next adventure,**_

_**But we can't help grieving for what was lost that day,**_

_**And what could have been;**_

_**The life we could have had.**_

_**Your memory will never dim, **_

_**And you've become eternal in our hearts.**_

She'd been in so much grief then; the death of her soul-mate too much to take. She was still sad, but the feeling had lost some of its intensity. But it was still there. She lay down next to the grave and stared at the sky; painted in all colors by the sunset.

"It was your favorite time of day, wasn't it?" she murmured, feeling a tear escape. "Twilight. You thought that it was the one place you fit in; the mixture between day and night, right on the threshold. But you're wrong about that. You fit in another place. You belong in my heart; at my side." She didn't care if anybody was watching her talk to a headstone. She didn't care if they thought she was insane; she didn't care what they thought about her. "I guess that's a trait I picked up from you, huh? There was so much that we could have done; so much that was left behind. How could you do this to me, Damon? Why couldn't it have been me? You would have dealt with it better; you were prepared if I died. But you, you weren't supposed to die before me. I was supposed to die first, and then you'd come annoy me in the afterlife. But you just had to add your own touch, didn't you? If I had just listened to you that day, then none of this would have happened. We'd both be here, and instead of laying roses at your grave, we'd be eating dinner; having a nice time celebrating your birthday." This time, she let the tears fall freely. They came thick and fast, and they poured out. Once she started crying, she simply couldn't stop crying. "It's all my fault."

!~!~!~!~!~!

_She had seen him with another woman, shopping! How dare he do this to her? How dare he? She had been wrong; so very wrong about him. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Even though there was an easy escape to all of this, she would not shut off her emotions. She would never accept that it was sometimes better to live without emotions; it was simply wrong. Just then the door opened._

_"Hey, princess, are you there?" his voice, familiar as her own self asked. __No__, she told herself. __He clearly wasn't as familiar as she had thought if he was doing _that_. __Her rage grew, blazing into an inferno. How dare he call her 'Princess' when he had been cheating on her? How dare he? She silently resumed packing her bags. She would be done with the Salvatores after this. For her, they were nothing but trouble. He walked into the room and stared._

_"Why are you packing? Are you going on a trip?" he wondered._

_"Yes, Damon. I'm going on a permanent trip. Alone," she had told him icily. _

_"You're leaving?" he had asked, eyes widened in shock. _

_"Well, what else would you excpect? Me to stay with your lying, cheating ass?" she'd screamed, eyes full of tears that she refused to let fall. She would not show him how deep he had cut her. _

_"Cheating?"_

_"Don't play dumb with me, Damon Salvatore! I saw you shopping with that girl! I was going to get a couple of groceries, and then I see you with some woman? Of course you're cheating!" she had yelled at him; stuffing clothes into her bag. "And you can have your ring back!" She had flung it at him in a rage and stormed out of the house, leaving him dumbstruck._

_Almost immediately she had run into trouble. A bunch of old vampires had cornered her. Thinking she was Katherine, they had tortured her. Her screams had echoed throughout the town, yet nobody had come._

_"You're all alone, Katerina," they had grinned maliciously. She had fought them, but the discovery of Damon's betrayal had left her weak. Not to mention that she was severely outnumbered and outmatched. One was about to stake her, when Damon jumped out of nowhere and took it for her. He had died to save her when she had accused him of cheating. She had decimated the vampires, and then rushed to save Damon. But it was too late…_

!~!~!~!~!~!

"That philosophy of mine certainly has changed, hasn't it? Without you here, it would be nice to not have emotions. To not feel that my heart was being ripped out, every single day without you by my side. To not feel that guilt anymore; because we both know that it was my fault you died. The tears cascaded down her cheeks. "I never got to apologize; it had been too late. I was so stupid, Damon, because a beautiful necklace had fallen out of your pocket, engraved with our names. She was the engraver, wasn't she, Damon? I'm an idiot, I got you killed and ruined us. I'm so sorry, and I can't tell you that now. I ruined the life we could have had. And these roses are the best I can do as an apology, even though I know they won't be able to make amends," she sobbed.

"I can't live with myself today; this knowledge weighs me down, and I feel so guilty. But I have to live. You would have wanted me to, right? Or would you want me dead for not trusting you? For not being a good wife and letting you explain. For destroying us. I would do everything differently if I had the chance, you know. And I'd give up everything to be with you again. I still feel you; some mornings I wake up and think, for a millisecond, that you'll be in the kitchen, making breakfast. I can hear your voice in my head; I can see you in the sunset. I can feel your memory every day, and I remember every second of the time we had. And I try to picture my life in ten years, but there's always a hole. I guess that hole is you. I can't see a future without you, and I'm living in the present without. It's a cold, cold world, Damon. You would hate what I've become, a mopey person living in the past."

Elena got up and dusted off her jeans. She smiled wistfully at the grave and said, "Happy birthday, Damon. I just wish you were here to celebrate it with me."

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><p>The ending was kind of hard to get right, I didn't want to make it too much like <strong>Rosemary and Wine, <strong>but I think it turned out pretty well. I need feedback on this one, badly.


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